Jack
by mgg-is-beautiful
Summary: Jack Hotchner feels forgotten. He's sixteen, and feels that his dad only cares about the newest Hotchner family members, Emily Prentiss and Kate Hotchner. He rebels against Hotch's rules and it seems to go un-noticed, but is it too late to get the sweet, innocent Jack back? rated t for safety, reviews are appreciated! first attempt at future fic...
1. Chapter 1-Brick Walls

Criminal minds-JACK

Kicking the dirt on the concrete ground, I sigh. Inhaling the cigarette smoke, I close my eyes and lean back against the cold brick wall.

I'm standing in an alley which my dad always told me to steer clear of, but he's too busy in his own life to care about mine.

He's too busy with Emily, too busy with my little 6 month old sister Kate, too busy with work, too busy with anything apart from me.

We always used to be so close when I was younger, especially after my mom was murdered. I doubt my dad even thinks about her anymore.

He hasn't mentioned her for months, and he has hardly any pictures of her in the house anymore. There is just one. In my room, stuck on my poster wall and it's of me and my mom on my seventh birthday. My dad wasn't there that day; he was on a case in Florida, like most birthdays. But then again why would he care about me anymore; I'm just an annoying 16 year old teenager.

"Jack!"

I look up, and see my three best mates, Fred, Luke and Nathan.

Fred's standing there with a grin on his face, in dark skinnies, a t-shirt , a hoodie and a pair of black vans on. Fred has been my best mate for a year and a bit now, and him and me just understand each-other.

He listens to me rant about my dad a lot, and I do the same with him.

Luke stood next to Fred, with a smirk on his face, wearing a t-shirt with a pair of denim skinnies and some Supras.

Finally, Nathan was on the end. I can tell he is stoned, because he's just standing there, giggling to himself. Nathan's been doing drugs for the longest out of the four of us. More hard core stuff as well, so it's no surprise he's high now. He was wearing some ripped shorts and a hoodie. I watch them walk over to me.

They're another thing my dad told me to steer clear of.

"They're trouble Jack! You'll turn out like one of them" he said…not that he's paid any attention to me after Emily and him got married.

"You alright mate? Why you out here on your own?" Fred said, pulling me in for a surprise shoulder bump.

"Um, yeah…just schools doing my head in. Mr. Jones won't get off my case about my homework, dick." I reply, inhaling and exhaling another puff of my cigarette.

"Ah, right, he is a dick actually; you want something stronger than that?" Fred said, and then nodded towards the fag in my mouth. Nathan reached into his back pocket and got out a joint, and handed it towards me.

"I better not lads, got to go meet my dad at the office and get a key to get home, lost mine somewhere. Probably not best to turn up to an FBI building high, right?"

We all smirk at that, thinking how much my dad and his friends would freak out if that happened.I pull my iPhone out of my back pocket and look at the time_. 7:00pm_ it read. "Shit! Got to run lads, dad will go mental otherwise." I say, dropping the cigarette to the floor and standing on it. I turn round and smirk at them one more time and then grab my skateboard from the floor and jump on it and skate off towards the BAU. The wind blows against my body as I skate in out the people making their journeys home. I shiver cold in just a t-shirt, hoodie and skinnies. I

It's quite funny how much my dad doesn't know about me. I mean, he doesn't know I smoke, but he'll probably find out soon as I stink of smoke.

He doesn't know I do drugs. He'll go ape-shit at that, especially with Spencer and his dilaudid addiction years ago.

He doesn't know I've had sex. He'll probably get mad at me for that too, as he always said I should save it for someone special…but I can barely remember it.

Oh yeah, and he doesn't though about the parties I go to. Or how drunk I get on a regular basis. He doesn't know I'm failing most classes. Or constantly in detention or isolation. Or that I feel depressed 90% if the time. So like I said, my dad does not know much about me, Jack.


	2. Chapter 2-Secrets Revealed

I remember a time when it was simple, and I felt happy and loved.

**Before Foyet killed my mom. **

Everyday I would wake up happy, smelling chocolate chip pancakes and hear my mom sing along to songs on the radio, excited for the day ahead. Even though my mom and dad weren't living together I knew, at the age of 7, they still loved each other.

After my mom died, I didn't understand how it was fair. Why did she have to be killed?

When I joined high school it got confusing, and I just couldn't concentrate on anything. Homework would make be break down to tears, and I didn't even know why. I just didn't get it. I asked my dad oh so many times to get me a tutor, but he always replied with "It's fine Jack" or "I will after this case Jack" and then he never did.

Then I started depending on being high or drunk to feel happiness and warmth inside.

Secrets kept, not that my dad ever asked where I was because he never noticed I was gone, and if he did I would just reply "Soccer practice" or "Football".

I would go out with random girls and have sex with them just to feel some sort of compassion or love, because my dad never showed he loved me.

The last time he said he loved me was over a year ago.

Emily says she loves me, but I push her away every time or just blank her, and then hate myself for it afterwards. It's just, every time she acts like a mother to me, my brain says

"_She isn't your mom, your mom was murdered by a serial killer which your dad was meant to protect her from."_

Then I just feel anger, and usually end up arguing with Emily and my dad yelling at me to not be such a stroppy little kid.

Then I leave, and my dad is too busy with Kate and Emily to question where I am.

It wasn't sudden, this feeling of…emptiness. It just sort of, faded in, and now…I just don't know if it will ever go away.

I feel like my depression how taken over my life, and if I ever try and tell someone about it…it will force my mouth shut.

It's just so hard to talk.

The only feelings I ever _feel _anymore is anger and sadness. I guess some people think depression isn't dangerous unless you feel suicidal. I don't know if I feel suicidal though. I've made plans, but then…

I just don't know.

I arrive at the BAU at 7:10, and nod at the security guard in the doorway. He's known me since a kid, and even if I'm fucked up, I'm still Jack Hotchner.

I sigh, and press the up button on the elevator, and wait for the little _ding! _ that sounds too happy and enthusiastic.

I watch the shiny metal doors open, and step inside and watch the shiny metal doors close again, trapping me inside.

After what seems like the shortest elevator ride in the history of my life, the doors open again and I kick my board up and catch it in my hand. I glance at my reflection of the mirror inside the lift quickly before I leave, and notice my eyes.

They're still the same colour, bright blue, but they look so dead. Like all life is gone. I wonder if anyone else notices that.

I push the glass doors open, and walk into the bullpen, where my dad, Emily, and the rest of the BAU are sitting cooing at my little sister Kate.

She was born a few months ago, but her 'new baby cuteness' never seems to fade.

It makes me want to scream "HELLO, I AM FUCKING DEPRESSED AND HATE MY LIFE AND YOUR OVER THERE MAKING BABY NOISES AT MY LITTLE SISTER" but in reality I say nothing.

"Jack, where have you been? It's almost 20 past 7! You were meant to get here at 6!" my dad says, giving me his classic 'stare' that would break even the toughest serial killers. But not me I guess.

"Um, well I missed the bus so I had to walk because Emily didn't answer her phone to give me a lift." I reply, lying through my teeth.

"It took you 3 hours?" JJ asked, looking sympathetic.

"Um, yeah."

I have to hide a smirk, because I just got six professional profilers and their technical analyst to believe me, even though what I actually did was get the bus to the alley way and stayed their smoking and just, thinking I guess, until the boys turned up.

"Right, well we missed our dinner reservation, thank you Jack" my dad said, filled with sarcasm.

"Come on Aaron ,we can all just go out now." JJ said, looking sorry for me again. "Henry, you up for food?"

A hungry looking 12 year old looked up at the team.

"Yes!"

"Right, that's settled then. You guys want to come?" Emily questioned the team, and they all nodded, probably realising how hungry they were.

I sigh, realising I'll have to sit for a few hours lying constantly.

_I'm not even hungry._

-AT THE RESTAURANT –

"So Jack, how's school?" Spencer asked me, while we're eating our food. I had some pasta, but I was sort of just pushing it round my plate with my fork, because smoking makes me lose my appetite.

"Um…it's okay I guess…we've got these exams coming up soon so yeah…" I reply, trailing off…trying to avoid the subject, because I know how mad they'd all be at me if they found out my highest grade was a D this year.

"You better start revising then eh kiddo" Morgan said, smiling at me and I tried to return it but my facial expression remained the same.

Blank.

"Jack, I got a phone call from your form tutor today, she said you were in trouble for something, care to explain?" Emily asked me.

"What?" My dad looked up, losing his gaze with Kate. Kate just gurgled in response and went back to to destroying her food.

"Um…"

All eyes were now on me, and I was running out of time to think of a lie. _Fuck it_, I thought, and decided to just tell them.

"Well, at lunch, I um, well.."

"Well?" My dad said, anger clear on his face. I looked at everyones face. Derek and Dave's face looked curious, and intrigued. Spencer and Penelope's looked confused, wondering what precious little Jack could have done to get in trouble. JJ almost looked disappointed, as if she knew what had happened. Emily's face was harder to read. I guess it was disappointed too, but slightly confused too. Well, now or never I guess. So long to my innocent act.

"I got caught smoking on school grounds."


	3. Chapter 3-So Long Innocence

The whole table just sat there, with shocked faces.

Even Kate and Henry fell silent, and Kate looked around confused at why no-one was making any noise at the table anymore.

"WHAT?!" my dad shouted as people at the tables near us sneaked a glance curiously.

"Aaron…" Emily warned my dad to keep his voice down, whilst still angrily glaring at me.

"How could you be so stupid Jack?!" my dad said, ignoring Emily's wishes to keep his voice down.

"But…but you don't smoke!" Garcia said quietly to herself, obviously oblivious of how I'm so not an innocent little boy anymore.

"It wasn't just me okay! It was Fred, Luke and Nathan aswell, jeez. Anyway, I do smoke. You guys were all so busy with your cases and you heads so far up your own asses to notice anything." I retort, pissed off at their ignorance.

"That's not true Jack." My dad says, still looking like he wanted to rip my head of my shoulders.

"Oh, but it is dad. Even when you were home, all you care about is Emily and Kate. If you did care about me, you would of noticed that I started smoking 6 months ago. You know, you all sit here, claiming to be profilers and spotting people's emotions, but you guys couldn't give two fucks about mine. So why should I give two fuck's about you think?' I say, staring at every single member of the BAU.

Henry and Kate sit there with shocked looks on their faces, whilst all the adults just look guilty.

I don't wait around any longer to hear what they say back.

I abruptly push my chair back, and grab my board from under the table and walk off.

Just before I leave, I hear Derek shout "Jack!"

But I don't look back.

I just want to leave. Get drunk. Get high. Have sex. I just want to fucking forget _everything._

After about five minutes of skateboarding aimlessly, I stop at a metal bench in a little park, and sit down. I pull out my phone, and press _Fred _in my contacts.

I hear my phone ringing, and I impatiently tap my foot, my need to get high increasing by the minute.

"Heeelloooooo?" I hear Fred say, and I know he's already high.

"Hey Fred, it's Jack..look, I'm having a proper shit night…can we meet up and chill?'

Chill is basically mine and Fred's word for get high. I decided to use a code word just in case my dad overheard me talking to him on the phone, but I guess that doesn't really matter anymore.

I chuckle to myself, thinking how much I've messed up my life already.

"Yeah sure, we're at the skate park by the mall."

"Ok, who's there?" I ask, hoping Nathan is, because I feel in the mood for something stronger than weed.

"Um, Luke, Nath, Cara and Ali" he replies, and I hear him breath in another puff of a joint.

"Good, okay see you in 10" I say, then hang up. I jump up from the cold bench, and realise how freezing I am. When I stormed off in the restaurant I left my hoodie on the chair, so I'm just in jeans and a t-shirt.

Better not die of hypothermia tonight then.

* * *

When I arrive at the skatepark, I see everyone sitting in a group on the floor, Fred and Nathan leaning against the ramp. Cara and Luke and sat together, hugging.

I jog over there, and they all see my and smile.

"Jack! Ready to get shitfaced with us?" Luke says, laughing.

"Fuck yes" I say, sitting down next to Ali, whose is looking seriously hot tonight. "Nathan, you got anything strong, and don't tell me about bad trips, I don't care" I say signalling to his bag.

"Um yeah, you want some coke or something? Looks like it would help, you look awful mate…here." He says, digging his hand round in his pocket and pull out a small plastic bag filled with white powder.

"Cheers." I reply, taking it from him a rolling up a dollar bill, I pour the powder out into 2 lines.

"Wow, mate you are going heavy tonight." Fred says, "You and your dad argue again?"

"He found out I smoke…so yeah I can't deal with his bullshit at the moment" I say, before bending over, and snort in the coke. I sit up, and feel a stinging inside my nose which hurts like hell.

I rub it, and sit back down on my bum. The effects kick in quickly, and I start to feel almost fuzzy. It's like the world is fading out around the edges. I like it.

"So," I ask, looking around at everyone," how you guys doing?"


	4. Chapter 4-Memories Lost

"Everybody, me and um, Emily have an announcement to make…it includes you Jack." My dad says, signalling for me to stop doing my algebra homework and listen to him. I sigh, and put the pencil over, and look up at him and Emily, like the rest of the team are doing.

We're in the Bullpen in the BAU headquarters, the windows are dark, and it's night outside.

"Yeah, what is it then Hotch?" Morgan says, smirking.

"Oooooh exciting!" Garcia squeals, before my dad has a chance to reply.

I stay silent.

"Well, me and Emily are engaged, and she's pregnant."

I heard everyone in the time get up out of their office chairs, smiling and cheering, and walk over to my dad and Emily to hug and congratulate them.

I don't move.

My emotions are so strong right now.

Anger.

Sadness.

Loneliness.

Does dad not even remember mom?

I can't think straight, and don't really want to have to make conversation about having a little brother or sister and how 'cute' it will be.

I'll be replaced too, like mom.

The whole team are too busy talking about shit, JJ, Emily and Garcia probably talking about the baby, and the rest, I don't know.

I stand up, and make my way to the door, needing some fresh air.

I get outside, and the cool wind hits my face, and sigh. I lean up against the cold brick walk, and slide down it, and sit on the cold concrete floor.

"Hey kid, you okay?"

I look up and a guy, probably aged 21 or something is looking down at me. He has black, messy hair was wearing a suit. He had a fag in his mouth, and looked kind of...sad.

"Erm, not really…but I don't really feel like talking about it, to be honest." I reply, emotion lacking in my voice.

"I get you kid, got my own shit too. These help ya know?" He replied, then pointed to the packet of fags in his hand, along with the lighter.

"Look, my whole family is inside, and I've ne-"

"Ah, I get you. Wouldn't want to go back in spluttering and stinking of smoke? It is the FBI fancy headquarters after all. I'm just an intern."

I smirk at him, liking his personality.

"Here, take them." He hands me the lighter and pack, and I quickly look round, then stuff them into my coat pocket which luckily I have on, otherwise I'd be freezing by now.

"You may never use them, but I've got plenty more. I've got to go, meant to be meeting someone later. See you around kid." He says, then drops his cigarette, and stamps on it, twisting his black shoes on the floor.

He walks off, and I realise I never got his name.

"Hey!" I shout after him, but he's already gone. I sigh, and feel for the packet and lighter in my coat.

_Not tonight_, I thought.

* * *

My cheek felt cold. Confused, I open one eye.

Shit.

_That was a really real dream._

I sit up, and my head explodes in pain.

World's biggest hangover, yay.

Wincing, I touch my forehead, and feel dried blood on my forehead. I sit up slowly, and wince again, the pain extreme.

Maybe I fell over or something last night, adding to this massive migraine.

Urgh, when did it get so bright?

I can't see anything, and then I remember I have some sunglasses in my bag, fuck yes.

I rummage around in my bag that I was lying next to, and take out my black ray bans and put them on.

I look around, and notice Fred lying on one of the ramps, looking terrible.

Nathan was on the skate park floor two, still snoring loudly, Jack Daniels bottle in his hand.

Cara and Luke were nowhere to be seen, but they probably went back to Luke's place to have sex or something.

_Where's Ali?_ I thought, and then notice something written on my exposed arm.

_Thank you for last night bby, maybe again soon…speak soon x Ali _

Wow classy one you are Jack Hotchner, shagging a girl in a skate park…I think and chuckle to myself.

I'm such a fuck up.

I decide to not wake the other lads up, they will soon.

I'll text them and Ali later.

I grab my bag, kick my board and jump on it, and decide I should probably go home.

Even though I really don't want to.

I reach the door, and open it with my key which was luckily still in my back pocket.

I open it, and hear talking.

Great, the whole team are probably here.

I sigh, and roll my board to the corner of the warm hallway.

I put my hoodie on, remembering to hid the message Ali wrote on my hair, trying to avoid as many questions as possible.

I sigh again, like I always do…and decide to walk into the centre of where the talking was happening.

"But's it's 11am! He's not home ye-" I hear Garcia say, and stop when she notices me standing awkwardly in the doorway.

They all turn to look and me looking relieved.

Apart from my dad, who looks absolutely fucking pissed.

"JACK! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!" My dad yells at me, and man...that does not go well with a hangover.

I wince, and shrug.

"Well?" Derek says, looking at me, starting to look angry too.

"I was at the skate park." I say, deciding to not apologise and act like I regret it and feel bad, because I don't.

I really don't.

"All night?" Reid says, looking shocked and confused.

"Yeah, well I guess, I don't remember most of it." I smirk at that, knowing how much it will piss off my dad.

"What?" my dad asks, staring at me, his nostrils flaring slightly…his anger obviously increasing with every remark I make.

"Y-you were drinking? Is that how you got the cut on your forehead?" Garcia asked, almost whispering…still confused on where 'little adorable jack' went.

"Yeah, I guess we were, and I dunno..probably."

"Who's 'we'?" Emily asked, whilst rocking baby Kate back and forth.

"Fred, Ali, Luke, Nathan and Cara." I reply, rolling my eyes and bored at the endless questions.

"What happened to your old friends, like Jason and Michael?" Emily asked, increasing my impatience.

"They turned into dicks. Look can I go now, because my headache is killing me and I need a shower and stuff so…" I say, starting to back slowly out of the room.

"You are going nowhere. Not until you tell us everything that happened last night, and we search your bag."

"What?! You are not searching my fucking back!"

"Jack! Watch your language!"

"Look, I told you, I only remember a little bit of what happened okay! All I remember is going down to the skate park, drinking and then I woke up on the floor! I don't remember anything else!"

"Where was everyone else then?"

"Fred and Nathan were passed out too, Cara and Luke went back to Luke's house, and I don't know about Ali…she just left a message on my arm before she left!" My voice raises, and I realise how bad my throat hurts too due to the whole bottle of vodka I probably drunk last night.

"Fine. Give me your bag." My dad says, slightly calmer than he was 5 minutes ago.

"Bu-"

"Hand it over Jack" Rossi says, sighing, as if he knows what my dad's going to find inside.

I sigh, and give up, and hand him the black and white backpack.

He unzips it, and put's his hand inside.

It's when his facial expression changes that I know what he's found.


	5. Chapter 5-OD'd

It's weird though. When he pulled them out of my bag, I thought I'd feel that feeling you get.

You know, the one you got every time your dad or mom would say "Can I speak to you for a minute?" or they catch you doing something you shouldn't.

Where you feel the need to apologise numerous times and swear you would never do it again.

But I…I don't have that feeling.

I don't want to apologise once, never mind numerous times.

I am not going to swear that I'll never do it again, because I will.

I know I've let down everyone in this room, believe me…I know. I can feel their angry or disappointed looks all staring deep into my soul.

But that doesn't faze me.

But I just don't care anymore.

* * *

I can see my dad tense his hand around the objects he's just felt inside my backpack, and he closes his eyes.

After taking a deep breath, he pulls them out onto the wooden coffee table sitting in the middle of the leather sofas and chairs that everyone is sitting on.

"Damn." Morgan whispers to himself, and looks to his feet on the floor.

"No, no ,no..."Garcia repeats over and over again, looking tearful.

Reid swallows loudly, then starts picking at his nails, as drugs were a sensitive subject for him.

The rest just gasp, or say silent, speechless at what sits on the table.

Small plastic bags scattered all over the table.

One with weed in.

One with cocaine in.

One with ecstasy in.

One with LSD in.

Then some were empty, used…and not thrown away.

But my dad doesn't stop there.

He tips out my whole bag onto the table.

A scrunched up monster can falls out, echoing as the metal and the surface of the table touch, along with a pocket size Smirnoff Vodka bottle, and a few condoms.

Then , as if it was perfectly planned to make me as fucked as possible, one empty condom packet falls out slowly, after being caught he the zip.

Probably the one I used last night with Ali…and least she won't be pregnant.

One less thing to be in trouble for.

"You're grounded. For life." Dad says.

"You're fucking kidding me. They're not all mine!"

"Oh really Jack, that's okay! Which ones are yours then?!" He replies, sarcastically and raises his eyebrows. He stands up abruptly, and points to the back full of weed.

"Was it this one?"

He points to the cocaine. "What about this one?

He picks up the ecstasy, and shoves it in my face. "Was it this one? Is this what you were getting high off last night? Do you know how selfish this is?! You have a perfectly good life, with a dad that loves you, and Emily who loves you like your mom would have, and the rest of the team would never get over themselves if anything happened to you! What if you had OD'd? How do you think we would have felt? HOW COULD BE SO FUCKING STUPID JACK!?"

Dad was right up in my face now, staring at me right in the eyes because we were the same height, matching shades of green.

There was this one second, where all I saw was rage. I backed up, because if I didn't I think we could have hit me, or wrapped his hands round my neck and squeezed his stupid little son's life away.

"Aaron!" Emily cried, handing Kate who was now whining at the loud commotion going on in the living room.

"Hotch…" Morgan warned him.

"You love me? Do you know what, back when I was 7 or 8 I would never have doubted that. But now, pfttt…that's bullshit. The last time you said you loved me was before Kate was born dad. Don't even try and deny it, you're just too busy with your perfect life to remember you son! THINK HOW I FUCKING FEEL! I HATE YOU DAD, YOU TOOK MOM FROM ME, YOU TOOK MY HAPPINESS FROM ME SO DON'T YOU DARE TAKE MY FRIENDS AWAY FROM ME EITHER! 'Cause if you do, I promise you…you will find me overdosed. I won't care how you feel." I shake my head at him, and walk out of the living room.

Not even bothering anymore, I run up the carpeted stairs towards my room, and slam the door behind me.

I look around, and it's all too much.

All these posters of bands and athletes I used to look up to, but I can honestly say I barely remember who they are anymore.

Filled with a sudden rage, I grab a corner of a poster, and rip it off the wall.

It gives a sort of release, so I carry on until my brightly decorated room is nothing but plain white walls.

But there's still so much anger.

I feel my right fist clench, and before I can control it, I throw it forward into the wall.

Again and again and again, not allowing the pain to reach me until I finish.

What was now a smooth wall, now is cover in small craters, dust and paint covering the edges.

I lie down on my double bed, on top of the plain black covers, and just lie there.

I can feel the pain, but it's still numb, as if it is shadowing me.

Like I'm unconscious, or in a coma.

I'm here, but I'm not.

Then in a sort of tsunami wave, tears just flood my eyes.

It's almost like I tried to keep my depression locked up inside me for as long as possible, and I've just burst.

I can't take it anymore, and I'm not going to hide my feelings anymore.

No more fake smiles, laughs or conversations.

I'll let the emptiness take over me.

I cry, and cry and cry.

I don't stop, until I fall asleep, and even then…tears still fill my closed eyes.

* * *

**hello everybody! hehehe, did I trick you with the chapter title? don't worry, Jack's safe...for now, mwahaha**

**I know I just uploaded a chapter yesterday, but I'm in a pissed off mood and that's when I feel like writing, so yeah...at least something productive comes out of it...**

**please review :)**


	6. Chapter 6-I Guess I Don't

I woke up slowly, as if my brain was trying to keep me asleep for as long as physically possible.

I look outside the window, that's fogged up from the coolness of the air outside.

It's dark, so it's probably around 6pm.

It's been two weeks since the 'incident'.

I literally haven't left my room since it happened, apart from to get food. Thank god I have an en-suite.

I can't believe how I've managed to avoid everyone this whole time though. My dad got a case, like he always does, and Emily has been too busy with Kate.

They were talking about me on Skype though.

It's funny though, because they only care about my actions when it threatens their rep.

I think I scare Emily, and that's why she's avoiding me too. I've made so many more holes in the wall, my anger getting uncontrollable now.

She's probably scared I'll turn into some sort of teen psychopath my dad profiles.

Now that would fuck up his rep. I chuckle to myself, thinking how my dad lectures all these parents on how it's their fault their son is a psychopath, and I turn out to be one.

I used to be able to control it, my anger that is, but sometimes I just want to let it all out and I guess the wall is unfortunately the victim to my rage.

I've been working out too. I'm tall anyway, about 6"1 or something like that, but I was never really muscly. But being hiding out in your room for two weeks because you're grounded for life means not a lot to do, so I've just been lifting weights this whole time.

I'm quite hench, if I do say so myself.

Other than lifting weights, I've just had rap music on loop, and I've been watching movies and tv on my laptop this whole time.

I'm so fucking bored though.

I'm planning on sneaking out tomorrow, because Luke's having a party at his. Hopefully my dad won't be back from his case yet.

"Urghhhhhhh" I moan loudly, and thump my head against the only wall not covered in punch marks. I do it repeatedly, wondering if this is what it feels like to go insane.

_Knock, knock, knock._

I whip my head around to my white door, which is obviously hiding Emily from me.

"Jack. We need to go get your father, he's back from the case. Come down in 5 please." Emily says, then I hear her sigh, and walk back down the stairs.

I groan, then thump my head on more time against the wall, not wanting to have to talk to my dad.

Prick, I think to myself.

Better get dressed then.

I'm wearing some black skinnies, so I grab some socks, a Jay-Z and Kanye shirt which my dad probably won't approve of because they're doing drugs on the front, but whatever. I grab a black hoodie too, and my Nike's. I also have my weed bracelet on, along with my ear plug which has a weed leaf on it.

Really embracing the look Jack, I think to myself.

Looking at myself in the mirror and pulling a face, I run my hand through my messy, half shaved hair, which I cut myself, and sigh.

My dad's gonna wonder what the hell happened to his son.

I've also stretched my ear bigger too, so I don't even know if it will ever stretch back, but oh well. I'm gonna start stretching the other one too soon. Might get my tongue pierced too.

I want a tattoo so bad too.

My dad and Emily will really shit bricks at that, haha.

Grabbing my phone and headphones from the side, Ia tuff them in my pocket.

I feel something else left in my pocket from last time too, and I pull it out.

A lighter and a few miscellaneous fags.

YES.

I smile to myself, then shove them back in my pocket, and pull my hoodie up.

"Jack!" I hear Emily call from the front door.

"I'm coming!" I shout back, "God.." I shut my bedroom door behind me, and trudge down the stairs.

"Okay.." Emily says, and then coos at Kate in the carrier seat, "Come on Kate, ready to go see daddy?"

I roll my eyes, and walk past them to get into the Black SUV.

She just gurgles like she always does, and Emily laughs back at her.

After all the fuss off Emily strapping Kate into the front seat, I've already plugged my headphones into my phone and am getting lost in the world of Eminem.

* * *

After about 15 minutes of me sulking in the back of the car and avoiding looking at anywhere but out the blacked out window, we pulled into the BAU car park.

"Kate, let's go find daddy!" Emily says, as she unbuckles herself, and then Kate.

She gets out the car door, then gets Kate and looks at me, sighing.

"Come on Jack."

I blank her in return, and unbuckle myself and get out the car.

She didn't wait for me, and has already made herself half way across the car park.

I follow her, not pulling the blaring headphones from my ears.

Once inside, Emily, whilst holding Kate who's in a pink onesie, are already in an elevator.

I trudge my way over there, my jeans are sagging so it's not like I can walk quickly after all.

The elevator pings, and the doors shut.

Emily goes to put her arm out to stop the lift shutting, but I just shrug her off and signal that I'll take the stairs.

"So-" she attempts to say, but the doors have already shut.

I make my way up the many flights of stairs, ignoring the curious looks of men and women in suits, wondering why a pissed off teenage boy with rap music blasting in his ears is angrily making his way through the BAU headquarters.

When I reach the all too familiar glass doors, I see my dad and the team surrounding Emily and Kate, with Henry giggling whilst hugging JJ.

I feel a pang of envy inside me.

They all look happy, big smiles on their faces, funny jokes and stories to share to help them forget the horror of their case. Where do I fit into this unusual but loving family?

Huh, I think to myself, I guess I don't.

Pulling my headphones out of my ears, I stuff them in my pocket.

Guess I can't stand here all night.

I push one of the massive glass doors with my gaze on the floor, and walk through.

**hi again...sorry for such a long wait and a not so good chapter, school's been a bit cray cray...gah anyway, reviews would be welcome!:)**


	7. Disasterology

"Em..where's Jack?" My dad says, not noticing me walking towards the centre of the bullpen.

"He was jus- oh! There he is.." she says, her tone changing when she sees me, "and yes I know he's wearing that t-shirt, but I really was just trying to avoid arguments Aaron."

She half-whispers that last sentence, as if I couldn't hear anyway, haha. It was typical, the fact that they've stopped bothering, like I have, aswell.

"What's wrong with the t-shi-" Spencer says, an innocent confused looked on his face as he turns to face me.

"Oh." He says, noticing the rappers doing drugs on the front of my torso.

"Hello Jack." My dad says, a sincere look on his face.

Shit, he's madder than before…great.

"Hi." I reply, my words cold and distant.

Derek clears his throat, the tension between me and my dad thicker than smoke.

"Aaron…" Emily says, warning my dad, "leave it for later."

My dad's glare stays on me, but he soon softens his look at turns his gaze back to Kate, and the team.

"Fine, but we are talking about it later."

"Oh my god, awh!" Garcia squeals, after having taken a picture of Kate smiling.

The team soon go back to having a conversation that excludes me, and I sit in one the desk chairs, spinning it round and round.

_Buzz._

My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out and see Ali texted me again.

_Hey, when are you free hottie? I want to meet up again?;) x x_

I smirk to myself, she's such a flirt.

_Not tonight, sorry baby, I'll text you yeah?;) x x_

It sends, and I press the home button and scroll through facebook.

After about 10 minutes of that, I hear Kate start crying, she's probably tired or something like that.

"Well, we better get going, it's getting pretty late for Kate…but congrats on the solving the case guys!" Emily says, whilst collecting all of Kate's things that had cluttered Derek's desk.

"Yes, we have things, to sort out." My dad says, and even though I'm still on my phone, I could feel his narrowed, piercing stare on the back of my head.

"Jack, lets go." Emily says, trying to sound a little less harsh compared to my dad.

I breathe out, and plug my headphones into my ears again.

Tugging the desk chair I was sitting on under the table, I stnd up and go to leave.

"Hey, kid."

I look around, seeing the rest of the team looking at me sympathetically, as if they can predict the shitstorm my dad's gonna cause.

I realise it was Derek who spoke.

"We don't hate you. Neither does your dad, or Emily. We just don't want you to throw your life away, yeah?" The rest of the team nodded, and Penelope looked emotional, as usual.

I bite the inside of my cheek, and look to the floor.

"Just don't take it out on your dad and Emily, they want the best for you." JJ says.

I look back up at them, losing the interest I had at the grey carpet and my shoes.

"Jack!" I hear my dad yell, from the down the corridor, "Hurry up!"

I roll my eyes, and without saying another word, press play on my phone, and walk after my dad.

* * *

Why do I feel like such shit?

I feel like punching the wall in one minute, crying my eyes out the next, and then wanting to end it all.

But, whenever teenagers ever say they feel like this, adults say we're just hormonal.

What the fuck do they know?

Does my dad know what it feels like, wanting to end it all?

Feeling the pain in your fist after creating hundreds of fist shape holes in your wall, but liking it?

Liking the numbness and relief from the pain?

Cause that's all I want.

_**Relief.**_

No-one ever realises that people feel like this, until they do something stupid.

Like die.

So that's why I do the drugs, if you're wondering.

Not to be 'cool'.

I reckon that's why I sleep around too.

I can't handle long relationships. I don't like the fact that you have you trust and tell them everything, or you're a bad couple.

I don't want to trust someone that much, or them know as much about me as I know about myself.

They'll just leave me and I'll be left looking like a douche-bag.

The car slows, and we're pulling into our driveway.

I look up at our house.

5 bedrooms, it's huge, and like one of those 'perfect little family homes'.

All we need is a white picket fence then we'll be living the American dream.

Oh, minus the fucked up teenage son.

I've been reluctantly forced to sit in the living room.

Emily and my dad are sitting opposite from me, Kate's upstairs sleeping.

"Jack, we don't want to yell at you. We want to talk." Emily starts off, the ominous silence broken.

"Talking." I reply, blank faced.

My dad glares at me, obviously sensing my little care to the matter.

"How long? How long have you been doing, drugs?_" _ She swallowed, almost bracing herself for my answer.

"5 months."

"That lo-long?" My dad asks, looking confused and almost guilty.

"Yeah, guess your profiling skills aren't so good…" I say. Usually I would smirk at my comment, but once again, blank. You see I figured, as soon as I can leave this hell hole I'll be right back on them, and stronger shit. So what's the point of stopping now?

I'll figure a way around their rules.

"Jack…look. You're grounded, for the foreseeable future. The team are going to be here more often anyway because we need to work on some group paperwork, and we decided to do it here…so we can keep an eye on Kate. And you. You'll also have your room searched soon, and have to do your homework downstairs so we can check on you."

"Okay?" Emily says, eyebrows raised.

I roll my blue eyes. "Whatever. Can I go now?"

My dad breathed out heavily and then said, "Ok, dinner's at 6."

I nod, then stand up, pull my skinny jeans up a bit, but obviously they are still below my slim waist, and I make my way out of the living room ,and up the stairs.

I walk into my prison for the '_forseeable future' _as my dad said, and close the door behind me.

I look around.

Four white walls.

Well one is decorated with black doodles and lyrics to songs from stuff such as Green Day, Pierce the Veil, Of Mice and Men and All Time Low.

And then there is the fist holes I made.

But other than that, it's plain.

I'm not going to follow the rules though.

If I do, I worry for my sanity, social life and depression.

I pick up my phone, plug it into its docking station, and click play.

'Disasterology-Pierce The Veil'

Lying down on my bed, I close my eyes, and hum along to the words.

'_Oh __What a waste, of a perfectly good, clean wrist.'_

* * *

**Um hi...I'M SORRY:( I know I've been shit at updating...but schools been major busy!D: stupid GCSE's...anyway, review if you don't hate me for not updating in a billion years?;) x x**


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